I have been a mom for over eight months.
Eight. Months. I still can’t believe it. Every passing month brings new challenges and new highs with it. What a roller coaster parenting is.
In these eight months I’ve learned so many things; things about myself, my family, my career goals and what I may or may not want from those aspects of my life.
One of the things I learned recently is that it’s okay if I don’t finish everything I start. Deadlines are not finite. The personal ones aren’t anyway. I’m not a quitter by nature; in fact, I’ve often obsessed over things and really pushed to finish things that didn’t necessarily need to be finished. It’s not a quality I’m proud of but it’s a quality I have, for better or worse.
When I refreshed my blog last year I had good intentions. I wanted to post regularly and I thought I would have enough to write about (being a new mom and moving to a new city/country). I wanted to complete a good post every other week or so. That obviously didn’t happen. It can easily take me one to three weeks just to finish a single post, which can be really disheartening at times. I’ve started and trashed a lot of posts because I lose my thoughts and ideas when I leave a post untouched for too long.
I’ve been tired. I’ve been busy surviving. I’ve been busy learning and I am exhausted. There are times when I want to write but can’t find the words, or don’t feel like anyone will want to read the words. I love writing but it takes a lot of mental power to write eloquently and I just haven’t had it in me. I like to write for myself, but this blog is public, so I feel a little added pressure to do my best work. Sometimes. Other times I just want to write for the sake of writing and I’ll just put something into the universe without a solid edit and I just won’t care… not in the moment anyway.
Some days I feel a little more energized and a little less cloudy. On those days I get my household to-dos done and if the weather is nice, I go out with Archie for some fresh air therapy. I envy the moms who live in climates where it’s warm and sunny most of the time. It’s amazing how a little time in the sunshine can change a person’s mood. Anyway, I don’t always find the time to write on my good days because I’d rather spend that time outside; playing with Archie, and/or getting things done around my apartment.
My to-do list has evolved quite a bit since moving to Boston. I’ve completed a lot of important tasks, like getting my EAD and Mass ID. I’ve updated my resume and portfolio. Just a few weeks ago I registered with a hiring agency and started looking at work opportunities.
As the days grow longer and the weather gets nicer, it gets easier to find my energy and push away the tired. I’m glad this is the case because I have to start climbing the mountain that is job / daycare hunting. I know it’s not an impossible climb, but it certainly isn’t easy. Fortunately for me, it’s not a solo climb. I have Mark to help and provide support.
I did some re-evaluating of my priorities and bumped a few things off my to-do list that were no longer important to me. I let go of those tasks knowing I’d be better for it. I’ve tried to simplify my life as best I can so as to maximize my time for Archie, Mark and myself.
On a beautiful day like today when it’s a sunny 17 degrees Celsius it’s so easy to reflect on my wonderful life. I feel at peace with myself. I feel grateful to be alive and healthy. I feel pride and joy for everything the past year has brought me. I know more good things are coming. I know my to-do list will grow and shrink throughout my life. Today it can wait.